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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681545">Just Hold Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngelPup/pseuds/FallenAngelPup'>FallenAngelPup</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Prompt Fills/Oneshots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Cussing, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Embedded Images, Genderfluid Remus Sanders, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, Sad Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Tags May Change, Tumblr Prompt, Warnings added just to be safe, You Have Been Warned, self-deprecating thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:15:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngelPup/pseuds/FallenAngelPup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from a generator on Tumblr: "Character B finds out Character A's terrible secret" </p><p>This story will contain implied abuse both physical and sexual by a family member. It is not explicit but again it is deeply implied. Also there is a discussion of it. Also explicit mention of methods of suicide, self harm, and (possibly) body horror. Please read all tags before reading the story.</p><p>(Small note: Story may change so look out for either an extra chapter for a re-write or story may be rewritten entirely. Also it will be checked for any grammar and spelling during a later date, so again, just keep a look out.)<br/>(Written before S.v.S Redux [5/1/2020])</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Prompt Fills/Oneshots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just Hold Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please read all tags before reading this story. If any tags that you feel are left out, please leave a comment down below so that I may add it, also let me know if the rating needs to be changed or if you enjoyed this story</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li>Rem (Genderfluid Remus) (17)</li>
<li>Devontae (Dee) (20)</li>
</ul><p>(Italics mean they are normal/more (or less) positive thoughts; Bold and italics means intrusive/depressing thoughts)</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“<strong>You know how in most stories after a sex scene or during it they say something like “The room smelled like sweat and passion” or “Someone smelling like sweat and shame” during one of those sex scenes where MC and their future love interest end up having a drunken affair. Even in the scenarios of the latter, it ends up okay in the end. Either the supposed partner of the MC forgives them or just leaves before the MC jumps into the love interest’s arms in the end. I wish my life could be one of those stories. Okay, maybe not like a shitty teenage romance book, but at least where the sex was loving, not gross and disgusting</strong>…” </em>
</p><p>Rem stared deeply into the ceiling. Something to distract themself. Clad in nothing but a small portion of blanket that was clenched in their hand. Their breathing was steady but quiet. Fearful of waking the sleeping being next to her. <em>The sick bastard. </em>The man next to her sleeping so peacefully as if nothing happened. They should have been used to it by now, but it still hurt. It still left a sick feeling within them. It wanted to make them puke. Wanting the acid in their stomach to go up into their throat. Hopefully melting it shut so no air would leave their lungs. Maybe Rem would be able to make it where it heats ups that it melts out onto their bare skin, melting every single impurity until they were mush. They couldn’t stand it.</p><p>Rem got out of the bed, ignoring the sudden cold chill. At first, they tried to find their clothes, only to find her outfit torn and ruined. Along with that, there were stains on it. Rem gagged. “Definitely burning in the fireplace.” They muttered silently. Stumbling, they made it out of the room. <em>Thankfully the sick fuck was a heavy sleeper.</em></p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“FUCK!” Rem suddenly screamed before punching the mirror. Upon impact, both the skin on their knuckles and the mirror broke. Upon their face laid out many bruises that were already forming. A bloody hickey on their lip that was starting to crust with dry blood. The last thing left that could be noticeable was the bruises on their neck. Every other injury they could hide except for these. Tongue brushing against their bloodied lip. In response, their body winced harshly. “o-ow.” Rem whimpered. Their eyes began to wat-</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“NO!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE FUCKING CRYING NOW!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“DO YOU WANT TO PROVE HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING BITCH YOU ARE TO DAD?!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“…we...we deserved this…”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Roman never believes you…”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“…Why are you still alive?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“…Why?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Why am I not dead?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I should die.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“That would make dad and Roman happy.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“My lips blue from hanging myself…it would match my neck bruises.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Or I could cut myself, I already do that...I would just let it bleed more, cut it deeper and deeper until they can see the muscle…Maybe they would see it as a work of art”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><em>A sniffle interrupts Rem’s darker thought. </em>Tears poured down their eyes. <em>When did they get on their knees on the bathroom floor? </em>Rem gripped the counter tightly, punching the cupboard drawers. Anything that could distract the thoughts running in her head. The defenseless cupboard door starting to break from the impact. The knuckles now getting bloodied from the merciless battle. This continued until a sudden thought sparked. Throwing open a drawer, they found their dad’s antique razor. It was like a switchblade, but far bigger. It reminded her of Sweeny Todd. Unfolding it, they held it to the dim light. “At last, my arm is complete…” They muttered softly. Maybe the blade could be a friend in the end. Slowly, she raised it to her neck.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Just do it.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, I can’t!”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Yes you can”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“N-no, I can’t.” </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Why not?! No one even cares!!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dee does!”</em>
</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p><em>Dee. Dee! </em>Rem dropped the razor. “Dee!” They gasped. How the in the hell could they forget him. Maybe. Just maybe, he was awake. Standing up, they ignored the pain in their hands, hurrying to their room. Maybe there was a chance.</p><p>Rem’s heart began to race. He cared about them; he really did. Quickly responding back, they got up and started throwing their bag together. They were going to be safe; they could be safe. Dee would take care of them, hold them in his embrace. They could forget about the world even just for a moment…. Couldn’t they?</p><p>
  
</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>There was banging on the door. Devontae smiled as he got up and headed to the door. “Well hey there tiny octo-.” He began say until Rem threw their arms around his waist. Devontae gave a small hug back. “Hey, how about we head inside?” He asked. Rem stood still for a moment before pulling back. Looking up at Dee, trying to give a small ounce of a smile. “Do you know anything on first aid?”</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“...What happened?” Dee asked, his voice nearly cracking at the sight of Rem. The two sitting on the couch after a near thirty minutes of first aid.  Forcing a fake smile, Rem pushed some of their hair back. “Heh, I was just doing some stupid shit, nothing new on my part.” They said, adding a small laugh. Dee didn’t smile, however. “...It’s a lawyer’s job to lie, Rem, not yours.” He stated. Rem’s forced smile went down for a second before forcing its way back up. “I’m being honest. I promise. I just got scared then figured that I would feel safer here. Sure I may have nearly stabbed myself with a razor so I could bleed out and forget this pitiful fucking life that I have since no one really cares. I mean sure I have you, but I already know I’m probably ruining your life in some way. I mean whose life have I not ruining at this point, and I really just want to cry but that’s dumb so why cry, even when it’s super easy and why the hell am, I still talk-?” Rem carried on until Dee held both of their cheeks. Rem froze immediately. Dee’s hands were warm to the touch. It gave Rem an overwhelming sense of emotions. Dee’s thumbs slowly began to rub circles. “…Rem...” He simply said.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“DON’T TELL HIM! HE’LL HATE YOU!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“...Tell him…” </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“DON’T TELL!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The two voices in their head argued. Rem felt that momentary warmth wash away. Without warning, their body started to shake. Their arm shot up, grabbing Dee’s arm. “D-dee, dee!!” They exclaimed. Dee scooted Rem closer to him, moving one hand to their lower back. Once again, he began to rub his fingers in a circular motion. Rem’s heart was racing, they wanted to leave. They wanted to hide, wanted to disappear forever. Their chest was beginning to hurt as well. Were they even breathing still? <em>Shit! They were hyperventilating. They were going to die; they were going to di-.</em></p><p>“Five things you can see?” Dee’s voice broke through. Rem looked up quickly. “W-what?” They asked. Dee stroked Rem’s hair. “Five thing you can see?”, “You, your cute snake tank top, m-my knuckles all bloody, your lamp, and painful memories.” They replied. Dee couldn’t help the small blush from Rem’s unintentional compliment. “Four things you can feel?”, “Pain, disgust, a migraine, your warm hands.”, “3 things you can hear?”, “Your beautiful voice, your fire hazard of a radiator , and my thoughts not shutting the fuck up.”, “Almost done. Two things you can smell?”, “Your body wash and your shampoo.”, “Lastly, one thing you can taste?”, “The feeling of stomach acid crawling up my throat.” Rem answered, taking deep breathes as her heart rate calmed down. Dee rubbed Rem’s cheek, wiping away the tears. Rem didn’t notice until a tear fell from their noise. “S-shit, I’m sorry. I-I’m not supposed to be crying.”, “Rem, if you need to cry. Cry. You can cry.”</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <em>“You can cry.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can cry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cry.” </em>
</p><p>At first it was quiet before sobs began to leave Rem’s lips. Dee held them close. “It’s alright, I got you tiny octo. Take all the time you need.” He murmured softly. It was the least he could do. It hurt him seeing Rem so vulnerable. Whatever hurt them, he would gladly defeat to protect her. He was ready for it. Rem’s sobs die down after a while of quiet sobbing and embraces. Rem knew they could tell him. They just had to rip it off like a bandage. Rem takes a deep breath and sighs. “…For most of my life, my dad has ...well, he rapes me and abuses me.” They stated. Dee tensed up as soon as Rem finished their statement. He had to control himself, he wanted to suddenly scream and curse. However, he couldn’t risk scaring Rem. “For how long?” He found himself asking. “…Since my mom left, I was 8 when she left. I know you are going to ask why I didn’t tell anybody or go to the cops. I mean sure I was scared my dad would kill me, but I was more scared of Roman hating me. I tried telling him in the past, or at least that dad would hurt me. However, dad was smart. Always did it when Roman was away. If not that then he simply choked me out so I wouldn’t make a sound. Roman never believed me, so I just learned to grow numb to it. Until now…” Rem dots off, starting to shake again. Hugging Dee again, they take another breath. “I’m just so tired of it, I don’t want to be there anymore.” They added. Dee hugged back, holding Rem tightly this time. His blood was boiling. “Stay with me then. I’m legally an adult, you have another year until you are legally an adult. I’ll protect you. If your dad tries to start shit, I’ll kill him. If Roman tries to start shit, I’m killing him as well.” He said. Rem couldn’t help but start laughing. “You can kill my dad, but I want Roman to stick around. Even if he is a bit of a dick.” Rem said. “Is.” Dee replied with a slight growl. Rem gave a genuine smile. “I would love to live with you.”</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>The two (now) roommates found themselves in the awaited pillow fort, enjoying snacks that were freshly prepared and horror movies that they would get to judge together. Rem laughing at all the cheesy deaths. Dee sitting behind them, hugging their waist. While he was paying attention to the movie, he was more occupied with his thoughts about Rem. “Do you want to go steal your stuff back at some point?” He asked. “I have everything I need, everything else can burn in a giant fire. Along with the bastard.”, “Yes, yes he can.” Dee agreed. “We can buy you some more clothes this weekend, I have work for the week.” He added. Rem nodded before pausing the movie. Putting their head in his chest, they yawn. “Time for decent sleep.”, “Is there anything I can do?” Dee asked. “Just hold me, please.” Rem said before suddenly falling asleep.</p><p>Dee smiled softly. “Good night tiny octo.” He said quietly. He then kissed Rem’s forehead. A small blush forming on his cheeks. Given their age difference, they couldn’t date now. Though, they did talk about it constantly. It was something to look forward to in the future. Dee would wait for Rem to be in a better place. It would be worth it. For now, time to try and get more sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Before I get any comments on their age difference, in New York (They live in New York for this story), to be a legal adult, have to be 18. Rem and Devontae met during high school (in this story anyway) when he was an 18 year old senior. Rem was a 15 year old freshmen and became friends then. In this, they have romantic feelings for one another but due to age difference, they are waiting for Rem to be of legal age.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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